Errors:  

- pressurised to score good in their academic performance

- believes

- goal by working hard

- realted

Corrected version:

In today's modern world, students are pressured to score well in their academic performance. Most people believe that children can achieve their goals by working hard. In this essay, I will discuss the benefits and drawbacks related to the situation.

Improved version:

In today's modern world, students face pressure to perform well academically. Most people believe that children can achieve their goals through hard work. In this essay, I will examine the benefits and drawbacks associated with this situation.

Errors:  

- thier

- solely obliterate

- toward

- retardation

Corrected version:

Certainly, children are taught by their teachers, mentors, and parents to focus and work hard to achieve their goals. However, it can obliterate their passion for other activities, which results in their mental deterioration such as depression, pressure, and stress.

Improved version:

Certainly, children are encouraged by their teachers, mentors, and parents to focus and work hard to achieve their goals. However, this can stifle their enthusiasm for other activities, leading to mental deterioration such as depression, anxiety, and stress.

Errors:  

- create

- Physical

- classmate

Corrected version:

Furthermore, students show less participation in other activities, which not only affects their mental health but also creates a bad impact on their physical health. Some students are trained to push themselves to try and to be much better than their classmates, which results in peer pressure and anxiety among students.

Improved version:

Furthermore, students' reduced participation in extracurricular activities adversely affects their mental and physical health. Some students are pressured to outperform their classmates, leading to peer pressure and anxiety.

Errors:  

- one of the most significant benefit

- by the help of the guidance students can get inspiration to achieve their dreams, due to which they show efforts and courage toward their task to them responsible and optimistic for their studies

Corrected version:

Turning to the advantages, one of the most significant benefits is making them ambitious. With guidance, students can get inspiration to achieve their dreams, leading them to show effort and courage towards their tasks, making them responsible and optimistic about their studies.

Improved version:

Turning to the advantages, one of the most significant benefits is fostering ambition. With proper guidance, students can be inspired to achieve their dreams, motivating them to put in effort and show courage in their tasks, which makes them more responsible and optimistic about their studies.

Errors:  

- improve

- studies

- enhances and improve

- help

- self discipline

Corrected version:

Focusing on goals also improves children's study skills, which ultimately enhances and improves their confidence, competence, and self-esteem. Working hard also helps students to develop self-discipline.

Improved version:

Focusing on goals also enhances children's study skills, ultimately boosting their confidence, competence, and self-esteem. Hard work also helps students develop self-discipline.

Errors:  

- interest

- which are connected to those subjects

- also

Corrected version:

If anyone has an interest in fields connected to these subjects, then it will also be beneficial for those students.

Improved version:

If students have an interest in fields related to these subjects, it will be particularly beneficial for them.

Errors:  

- regarding

- hold more positivity than the drawbacks

Corrected version:

In conclusion, there are both advantages and disadvantages associated with the situation, but I believe that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. Hence, it is paramount for children to work hard in order to succeed in life, as hard work teaches us determination, dedication, and discipline.

Improved version:

In conclusion, while there are both advantages and disadvantages associated with this situation, I believe that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. Therefore, it is crucial for children to work hard to succeed in life, as hard work instills determination, dedication, and discipline.