Errors:  

- vaccination impact should be impact of vaccination

- Unnecessary comma after that

- Extra space before A noticeable trend

- vaccine should be vaccination

Corrected version:

The graph displays the impact of vaccination on the incidence of whooping cough, a childhood illness, from 1940 to 1990 in Britain. A noticeable trend is that there was a strong inverse relationship between the vaccination and whooping cough cases.

Improved version:

The graph illustrates the impact of vaccination on the incidence of whooping cough, a childhood illness, in Britain from 1940 to 1990. A notable trend is the strong inverse relationship between vaccination rates and whooping cough cases.

Errors:  

- In the year 1940 can be simplified to In 1940

- 1,70,000 should be 170,000

- wild fluctuation occured should be wild fluctuations occurred

- from the year 1945 to 1950 can be simplified to between 1945 and 1950

- Vaccination was started should be Vaccination began

- gaves a sharp declined should be gave a sharp decline

- till should be until

Corrected version:

In 1940, there was a sharp increase in the cases of whooping cough around 170,000. After that, wild fluctuations occurred between 1945 and 1950. Vaccination began in 1955, which gave a sharp decline in the cases until the 1970s.

Improved version:

In 1940, whooping cough cases surged to around 170,000. Subsequently, wild fluctuations occurred between 1945 and 1950. The introduction of vaccination in 1955 led to a sharp decline in cases until the 1970s.

Errors:  

- vaccine uptake should be vaccination uptake (for consistency)

- only to bounce back can be more specific

- cases went up to a moderate rise should be rephrased

- Comma after rise should be removed

- Finally should be lowercase finally

- levelling off fitfully should be leveled off irregularly

- By the year 1975 should be By 1980 (assuming it's a typographical error as 1975 is mentioned twice with conflicting information)

- stedily should be steadily

- substantially reached should be substantially increased to

Corrected version:

Unfortunately, vaccination uptake plunged dramatically in 1975, only to recover quickly. As a consequence, cases experienced a moderate rise and finally leveled off irregularly for the next three decades. By 1980, vaccination uptake rose steadily, and substantially increased to 94% in 2010.

Improved version:

Unfortunately, vaccination uptake plunged dramatically in 1975, only to recover quickly. Consequently, whooping cough cases experienced a moderate rise before leveling off irregularly for the next three decades. By 1980, vaccination uptake* steadily increased, eventually reaching 94% in 2010.

Errors:  

- but is redundant after although

- cursory glance should be a cursory glance

- burgeoning the use of vaccine should be the burgeoning use of vaccination

- tailling off should be tailing off

- Remove extra spaces before burgeoning and the

Corrected version:

Overall, although numerous fluctuations can be seen in the given graph, a cursory glance reveals that the burgeoning use of vaccination leads to a tailing off of the cases.

Improved version:

Overall, despite numerous fluctuations in the graph, it is evident that the increasing use of vaccination has led to a significant decline in whooping cough cases.