13
Task-1
Let's Learn from Others' Mistakes
Common Errors
1
Source: Mr Mohit 01-07-24 MT 01
Original Text
The table displays the contribution rate of females in senior management positions in Eldan Ltd, Bamforth Ltd, and Finsbury Ltd from 1975 to 2015.
Corrected
Errors:
- displays" should be "shows
- contribution rate" could be rephrased for clarity
- females" should be "women" or "female representation" for consistency
Corrected version:
The table shows the percentage of women in senior management positions in Eldan Ltd, Bamforth Ltd, and Finsbury Ltd from 1975 to 2015.
Improved
Improved version:
The table shows the percentage of female representation in senior management positions in Eldan Ltd, Bamforth Ltd, and Finsbury Ltd from 1975 to 2015.
2
Original Text
A most noticeable trend is the increase in participation rate of women in the first two companies, while the last followed the fluctuant trend.
Corrected
Errors:
- most noticeable" could be rephrased for clarity
- participation rate" could be rephrased for consistency
- fluctuant" should be "fluctuating
Corrected version:
A clear trend is the growing percentage of women in the first two companies, while the last followed a fluctuating trend.
Improved
Improved version:
A distinct trend emerges, with the percentage of women increasing in the first two companies, while the last company follows a fluctuating trend.
3
Original Text
In 1975, Eldan Ltd contained 3% of women, while Bamforth Ltd and Finsbury Ltd was at, 9 and 16 percent, respectively.
Corrected
Errors:
- contained" should be "had
- was at" should be "had
- percent" should be "%
Corrected version:
In 1975, Eldan Ltd had 3% women, while Bamforth Ltd and Finsbury Ltd had 9% and 16%, respectively.
Improved
Improved version:
In 1975, Eldan Ltd had a female representation of 3%, while Bamforth Ltd and Finsbury Ltd had 9% and 16%, respectively.
4
Original Text
Surprisingly, the figures for Eldan Ltd had doubled its amount in 1990 and grew dramatically to 64% in 2015 and became the highest compared to other companies.
Corrected
Errors:
- doubled its amount" should be "doubled to
- grew dramatically" could be rephrased for clarity
- compared to other companies" is unnecessary
Corrected version:
Surprisingly, the figures for Eldan Ltd doubled to 6% in 1990 and surged to 64% in 2015, becoming the highest.
Improved
Improved version:
Surprisingly, Eldan Ltd's female representation doubled to 6% in 1990 and increased significantly to 64% in 2015, reaching the highest percentage.
5
Original Text
On the other hand, percentage of female in Bamforth Ltd continued to rose by 2% in every 15 years until 2000, and reached to its peak at 46%.
Corrected
Errors:
- continued to rose" should be "continued to rise"
- reached to" should be "reached"
- its peak" could be rephrased for clarity
Corrected version:
On the other hand, the percentage of women in Bamforth Ltd continued to rise by 2% every 15 years until 2000, and reached its highest point at 46%.
Improved
Improved version:
On the other hand, Bamforth Ltd's female representation continued to increase, rising by 2% every 15 years until 2000, and reaching a high of 46%.