11

Task-2

Let's Learn from Others' Mistakes

Common Errors 

1

Source: Ms Avleen Kaur 27-06-24 Day 26

Original Text

There is a little room for doubt that the children play violent games, it creates relationship between the children, which lives  in a real world and violence games an increased day to day crime and violence. 

Corrected

Errors:  

- it creates relationship" should be "it creates a relationship."

- which lives" should be "who live."

- "violence games" should be "violent games."

Corrected version:

There is little room for doubt that children play violent games. It creates a relationship among the children who live in the real world, and these violent games contribute to increased day-to-day crime and violence.

Improved

Improved version:

Undoubtedly, children engage in playing violent games, fostering connections among themselves in the real world. These games significantly contribute to the escalation of daily crime and violence.

2

Original Text

Children misbehave with our family and teachers and argue on that topic which is not good for their personal life. 

Corrected

Errors:  

- with our family" should be "within their families.

- argue on that topic" should be "argue about such matters.

Corrected version:

Children misbehave within their families and argue about such matters, which is not good for their personal lives.

Improved

Improved version:

Children's misbehavior within their families and their tendency to argue about such matters adversely impact their personal lives.

3

Original Text

Firstly, students from urban areas and small town cities, they involve in big gang in a young age because parents are not much educated and knowledge to understand the right or wrong ways. 

Corrected

Errors:  

- Firstly" should be "First.

- small town cities" should be "small towns.

- they involve in big gang" should be "they become involved in gangs.

- not much educated and knowledge" should be "not well-educated or knowledgeable.

Corrected version:

First, students from urban areas and small towns become involved in gangs at a young age because their parents are not well-educated or knowledgeable enough to guide them in the right direction.

Improved

Improved version:

Initially, students from urban areas and small towns often join gangs early in life due to their parents' limited education and lack of awareness about guiding them toward positive paths.

4



Original Text

Secondly, the most common use of mobile phone we see, they also create much violence. 

Corrected

Errors:  

- the most common use of mobile phone" should be "the most common use of mobile phones."

- they also create much violence" is unclear; rephrase needed.

Corrected version:

Secondly, the widespread use of mobile phones is evident, and they can contribute significantly to violence.

Improved

Improved version:

Furthermore, the ubiquitous use of mobile phones is apparent, and their impact on escalating violence cannot be ignored.

5



Original Text

For example, children use internet to watching movies, series, and other websites,50% of children aggressive behavior to watch it.

Corrected

Errors:  

- "use internet" should be "use the internet."

- "to watching movies" should be "to watch movies."

- "50% of children aggressive behavior" should be "50% of children exhibit aggressive behavior."

Corrected version:

For example, children use the internet to watch movies, series, and other websites. Fifty percent of children exhibit aggressive behavior due to this exposure.

Improved

Improved version:

As an illustration, children utilize the internet to stream movies, series, and other content. Shockingly, half of them display aggressive behavior as a consequence.

6



Original Text

But one violence that children see our home, some family creates a higher amount of violence and children absolutely affect and react on it. 

Corrected

Errors:  

- "one violence" should be "one issue."

- "see our home" is unclear; rephrase needed.

- "creates a higher amount of violence" should be "exhibits significantly more violent behavior."

- "children absolutely affect and react on it" is unclear; rephrase needed.

Corrected version:

However, one issue that children witness at home is when certain families exhibit significantly more violent behavior, which profoundly affects and influences the children.

Improved

Improved version:

Nevertheless, a concerning phenomenon occurs within households where some families display markedly more violent behavior, profoundly impacting and influencing the children.

7



Original Text

Young age person also involve in violence due to some pressure that is attached by emotional relationship because they are in the pressure of friends and  also because no one understand from deeply heart. 

Corrected

Errors:  

- "Young age person" should be "Young individuals."

- "also involve in violence" should be "also become involved in violence."

- "due to some pressure" is unclear; rephrase needed.

- "is attached by emotional relationship" should be "arises from emotional relationships."

- "because they are in the pressure of friends" is unclear; rephrase needed.

- "no one understand from deeply heart" should be "no one truly understands."

Corrected version:

Young individuals also become involved in violence due to pressure stemming from emotional relationships, often influenced by peer dynamics. Unfortunately, no one truly understands their struggles.

Improved

Improved version:

Regrettably, young individuals sometimes engage in violence due to the pressures arising from emotional relationships, particularly influenced by peer dynamics. Sadly, their struggles often go unrecognized.

8



Original Text

From my vantage point, we create a good environment for children to grow and make their best future life and much understanding is need both side and children must avoid  that thing which is strongly impact on it, specially for those who are pressured by somebody. 

Corrected

Errors:  

- create

- children to grow 

- much understanding 

- are pressured by somebody

Corrected version:

From my vantage point, we should create a positive environment for children to shape their future. Mutual understanding is crucial, and children must avoid factors that significantly impact them, especially those under external pressure.

Improved

Improved version:

In my view, fostering a positive environment is essential for children to shape their future. Mutual understanding plays a pivotal role, and children should actively avoid influences that negatively impact them, particularly when facing external pressures.

9



Original Text

In conclusion, it is necessary to understand the issues firstly created good night environment and socially understanding and avoid violent games, watching online movies. Right meaning average use of mobile phones is good because they increase lots of violence.

Corrected

Errors:  

- "firstly created good night environment" is unclear; rephrase needed.

- "socially understanding" should be "social understanding."

- "Right meaning average use of mobile phones" is unclear; rephrase needed.

- "because they increase lots of violence" should be "as they contribute to increased violence."

Corrected version:

In conclusion, it is necessary to prioritize creating a safe and nurturing environment. Promoting social understanding and avoiding violent games and excessive mobile phone use are essential steps. Responsible mobile phone usage is beneficial, as long as it doesn't contribute to increased violence.

Improved

Improved version:

To conclude, our foremost priority should be establishing a safe and nurturing environment. Encouraging social understanding and discouraging violent games and excessive mobile phone use are critical steps. Responsible mobile phone usage is advantageous, provided it doesn't exacerbate violence.