Errors:  

- the various devices" - unclear, needs specification.

- two different years" and "from 2009 to 2019" - redundant, choose one.

- in canada" - capitalization error.

Corrected version:

This pie chart shows the use of various devices in 2009 and 2019 by the age group 18 to 25 in Canada.

Improved version:

The pie chart illustrates the usage of different devices in 2009 and 2019 by the 18 to 25 age group in Canada.

Errors:  

- During the 2009" - incorrect preposition and unnecessary article.

- the highest use of conventional TV about 34%" - missing verb and awkward phrasing.

- Missing conjunctions and parallel structure.

Corrected version:

In 2009, the highest use was of conventional TV at 34%, laptops at 20%, and desktop computers at 18%.

Improved version:

In 2009, the predominant usage was of conventional TVs at 34%, followed by laptops at 20%, and desktop computers at 18%.

Errors:  

- But" - unnecessary at the beginning of the sentence.

- lowest use of device" - incorrect and awkward phrasing.

- mobile phone around the 8%" - missing verb and awkward phrasing.

Corrected version:

The lowest use of devices in 2009 was for tablets at 5% and mobile phones at around 8%.

Improved version:

The least used devices in 2009 were tablets at 5% and mobile phones at approximately 8%.

Errors:  

- In the year 2019" - unnecessary "the year."

- maximum use of conventional TV in 2009" - redundant and confusing.

- Misuse of semicolon.

- has plunged dramatically 4%" - awkward phrasing and incorrect tense.

Corrected version:

In 2019, the use of conventional TV plunged dramatically to 4%.

Improved version:

By 2019, the use of conventional TV had plummeted dramatically to 4%.

Errors:  

- Young age children" - redundant and incorrect phrasing.

- between that age" - unclear and awkward.

Corrected version:

Young people in this age group preferred flat screen TVs at 27%.

Improved version:

Young people in this age group favoured flat screen TVs, which accounted for 27% of usage.

Errors:  

- Laptop and desktop computer" - plural agreement error.

- equally percentage about 12%" - awkward phrasing and incorrect preposition.

- easily carry laptop" - awkward and incomplete.

Corrected version:

Laptops and desktop computers had an equal percentage of about 12% in 2019 because the modern generation can easily carry laptops.

Improved version:

Laptops and desktop computers each held an equal share of approximately 12% in 2019, as the modern generation prefers the portability of laptops.

Errors:  

- Mobile phone is also highly percentage" - incorrect and awkward phrasing.

- which is less than 1% from flat screen TV" - incorrect comparison phrasing.

Corrected version:

Mobile phone usage was also high at 27%, which is less than 1% lower than flat screen TVs.

Improved version:

Mobile phone usage was also significant at 27%, just slightly less than the 27% for flat screen TVs.

Errors:  

- Tablet is more using device" - incorrect phrasing.

- from laptop and desktop" - incorrect preposition.

- about 7% is higher from both devices" - incorrect comparison and phrasing.

Corrected version:

Tablet usage was higher than laptops and desktops by about 7%.

Improved version:

Tablet usage exceeded that of laptops and desktops by approximately 7%.

Errors:  

- many difference" - incorrect plural form.

- for using the devices" - awkward phrasing.

Corrected version:

In conclusion, there are many differences between the two years in Canada regarding device usage.

Improved version:

In conclusion, significant differences exist between the two years in Canada concerning device usage.

Errors:  

- Highest percentage in both years is" - incorrect subject-verb agreement.

- fall down percentage" - awkward phrasing.

- are tablet and conventional TV" - incorrect plural form.

Corrected version:

The highest percentages in both years were for conventional TV and flat screen TV, and the declines between 2009 and 2019 were for tablets and conventional TV.

Improved version:

The highest usage percentages in both years were for conventional and flat screen TVs, while tablets and conventional TVs saw the greatest declines between 2009 and 2019.