Errors:  

- The phrase "the decline in birth rates" could be simplified to "declining birth rates.

- The word "pose" should be replaced with "poses.

Corrected version:

There is little room for doubt that declining birth rates and the increasing proportion of elderly citizens aged 65 and above poses significant challenges.

Improved version:

Undoubtedly, the decline in birth rates and the growing proportion of elderly citizens aged 65 and above present significant challenges.

Errors:  

The phrase "arising from" could be simplified to "due to.

The word "elderly individuals" should be "elderly people.

Corrected version:

This is a pressing concern due to the higher proportion of elderly people grappling with health conditions.

Improved version:

This pressing issue stems from the significant proportion of elderly people contending with health challenges.

Errors:  

The phrase "Now, let's proceed to" could be simplified to "Next.

Corrected version:

Next, let's proceed to the next part of your text.

Improved version:

Moving forward, let's address the next section of your text.

Errors:  

The phrase "promote technology" should be "promoting technology.

The word "invest" should be "investing.

The phrase "older persons" could be simplified to "the elderly.

Corrected version:

Turning to possible solutions, perhaps the immediate step would be promoting technology and investing in healthcare issues. This could be done by taking steps to improve the quality of life for the elderly.

Improved version:

Regarding potential solutions, an immediate step would involve promoting technology and investing in healthcare. By implementing measures to enhance the quality of life for the elderly, we can address this challenge.

Errors: 

The phrase "reduces the tax" should be "reducing taxes."

The word "adults" should be "adult."

The phrase "young adults balanced everything" could be rephrased for clarity.

Corrected version:

The government reduces taxes for young adults because they maintain a balance, making it significant to alleviate some burden.

Improved version:

Governments can alleviate the burden on young adults by reducing taxes, recognizing their ability to maintain a balanced approach.

Errors: 

The phrase "provide proper job training programs" could be simplified to "offer effective job training programs.

Corrected version:

Another possible solution is to offer effective job training programs, which contribute to the growth of our economic systems.

Improved version:

Additionally, implementing robust job training programs can foster economic growth.